I am alive!! :-) I'm sure some of you have doubted it the last couple of months, and truthfully I thought surely I must be in hell! LOL!! Nah, I am actually quite happy. Seems I've kind of found myself. I'm still playing soccer, although I'm playing less than I had been. There were too many nights away from the kids. Speaking of the kids, they're doing amazing! I had an e-mail from Ben's private oboe teacher telling me how much happier he is since last year, how he seems to be enjoying life again. Hearing that from someone unconnected from our situation was a good thing. Katie is dancing and playing soccer. She's a handmaiden in the Nutcracker this year and her soccer team is undefeated this season. My sweet, quiet Emma is playing soccer too and really enjoying it! She also read over 507,000 words the first six weeks of school, won AR awards and was chosen by the Rowlett Exchange Club (after being nominated by her teacher and the principal) to receive the Young Citizenship Award for the month of November!! She'll be recognized at a special luncheon in her honor on Nov. 5. (same day as mine and Jim's next court date) At least my mom is able to attend! :-) Ian, oh that little 2 year-old...sweet 'tis true, but also 2!! ;-) He makes me laugh every day, so freaking funny! Of course he also makes me want to pull my hair out and buy wine in bulk! ;-)
Since my last update, Jim and I have gone to court and have another date with the judge on Nov. 5. Jim didn't like what the judge ordered for him to pay in child support, so he appealed it, hence the 2nd court date. Oh yeah, goodtimes. The money thing, well the not having any money thing, is still hard to deal with. Bills are piling up, and I am so ready for things to be final, so I can actually pay things off with my settlement. (unless Jim appeals that too...then who knows what's going to happen) Thinking Christmas is going to be pathetic this year. Hopefully, I can show my kids Christmas is about love and not about gifts. :-)

I am enjoying school, a lot! I love my A&P class!! (anatomy & physiology) I'm gonna brag for just a second: I, me, myself...Steph, the 36 (nearly) year-old single mom of 4, have the highest grade in my class. Yep...unbelievable I know!! I GET IT!! Chemistry, cellular biology, muscles, organs, bones...it makes sense. Of course, I do have another test tomorrow night and it could all change in a heartbeat...but at this moment in time, I'm the girl the class is scrambling to study with--never thought I'd be the popular girl! LOL!!

Wow...this is getting long! Before I'm done, I want to say to my family and friends: Thank you! I am a lucky girl to be loved by you. Mwaaa!!!

Run on my friends, because you can--not because you have to. :-)

Trying out the email posting from my phone...seeing if it'll work! ;-)

Rock on...sent from my iPhone
Steph

Wow. Crazy days! School started this week for my brood and they are loving it! Ben, oh my...Ben is in 8th grade!??!! And he's 13. Good times! Actually, he's a great kid. He's sweet and generally good-natured (he has his moments...you caught that he was 13 right??) :-) Katie is in 6th grade...which is middle school here...and she's 11. She doesn't think she's 11 though, she thinks she's 17...but still sweet and innocent too!! :-) She's still dancing and loving it! Emma is in 4th grade this year. She is a gorgeous blondie that has a hard time putting down her book!! That girl LOVES to read and will read whatever you put in front of her!! ;-) Ian, well...he's 2. 'Nough said I'm sure. ;-) He has no idea he's only 2, he's pretty certain he's 13 like his "bubba", Ben! Dang can that kid talk!! He has a huge vocabulary and can tell you he loves you and to "knock it off" in the same breath. I'm so happy to have them back home with me!! Jim had them for the last 3 weeks before school started as part of his summer visitation. I had a hard time eating and sleeping while they were gone...and I pretty much only left the house to play soccer. :-) Which I play 4 nights a week...but I'm about to cut back to 3!

To add to my insanity, I was able to come up with the $$ to re-enroll in school this semester. So I did that today...and the semester started Monday. I only missed one class, so not too bad!! ;-) 1-1/2 hour lab and then the 1-1/2 hour lecture. Seriously, I'm loving this class already. Anatomy & Physiology, lovingly called A&P. ;-) The lecture was over Chemistry tonight. Can I tell you I LOVE CHEMISTRY!!! Oh my goodness...atoms, molecules, covalant bonds, electrons, protons, neutrons, chemical bonds...Ima in heaven!! ;-) Wonder if I can find a way to work in an astronomy class...don't know how I'd tie that into nursing, but oh that would be sweet!! The professor is a very nice guy...doesn't speak English too well though. I can understand about everyother word, which makes the lecture pretty much worthless!! LOL!! ;-)

Also, mom got here last week too! :-) What a sweet old girl she is! (I'm sure she'd looooove that description of her!!!) LOL!! ;-) It's been nice to have someone here with me, although she can't help but try to mother me...cuz, well...she's my mom and that's her job! ;-)

The divorce stuff is moving along too I guess. Still haggling over $$ issues...not fun. Quite sad really. Hopefully though we can stop arguing about stupid money (yeah, I know. we need it to survive...especially a single mom of 4...OMG...that sounds pathetic doesn't it??) :-) Think it'd be better if we can start focusing on what are kids need from both us. One thing at a time I guess.

I'm gonna "trundle off" as my mom would say, and perhaps have a cold one before bed! ;-)

Rock on...before there's a chemical reaction which changes the physical state of the rock...(gosh I love chemistry)

I know, I know, it's been AGES since I've posted anything!! Good news is I can probably say whatever I want and no one will actually read it!! Hahaha! ;-)

Jim and I are in splitsville. We tried, but I really couldn't stomach the thought of not being able to be myself. I know it sounds terrible. I just couldn't go back to the way things used to be. I like me. I like deciding where I'm going, who I'm going with, what I'm wearing, and what I eat. I like playing soccer. I like going to school. I like writing...really writing and not worrying about the criticism of what I'm writing. I kinda think I'm mildly attractive and vaguely humorous. ;-) I had a husband that disagreed and had his own ideas about who I SHOULD be and didn't like who I really was. Now, maybe he can find someone that fits into his vision of what he believes a wife should be...and I can be free to just be Steph. Absolutely it's going to be rough. Heck, financially I am broke. But it's just money. These are just things around me, and I know there will come a day when I can pay my bills and meet my eye in the mirror. I am a survivor. If I can survive the years of verbal and physical abuse that was meted out to me, I can survive being poor. That'll be a cake walk. ;-) Don't know how long I'll survive the no sleep thing though...but I'll manage! And my wonderful mom agreed to come and stay with me so I can go to school and work and not worry about (or pay for day care) my munchkins. Afterall Boo is only 2 and needs lots of attention...as the walls will attest to...I've no idea where the heck he finds sharpies, but he does find them. But I digress...where was I?? Oh yeah, waxing on about surviving...truth is it's scary. The easy way would be to duck my head and close off that piece of Steph that hides away deep inside...not the part that has visions of iron skillets, or anvils mysteriously falling out of the sky and cold-clocking the ex, but the part of me that feels valid. The part of me that laughs out loud at the cinema without fear of being hushed from her spouse. The part that likes to go barefoot (after the fire ants have been killed off of course). The part of me that thinks jeans and a t-shirt are pretty dang sexy. The part of me that likes to kick back, beer in hand, and watch the kids playing tag in the yards with their friends. I like those parts of me too. The thing is, I've rediscovered Steph. She's not half bad. I like her. I'd be friends with her. ;-)

Run on my friends...because we're playing tag in the front yard...and you're it!! ;-)

Wow...are you all ready for this blog or what!?! I know I've definitely been slacking in the blog department...sorry. Truthfully, I've been avoiding my blog. Knowing that I'm going to have to talk about what's going around here, and not knowing if I was ready for the "comments" or the encouraging phone calls...or whatever else. Jim and I are separated. Things have been rough for a while...okay for years. I'm really doing fine. I've enrolled in classes and am taking my pre-reqs for nursing school to which I plan on applying for in the fall. Of course that means I'm going to summer school...blech. ;-) The kids are staying busy with soccer and dance. The busier, the better for them at the moment I think. Anyway, that's about all I can handle talking about at the moment. Things are still pretty fresh and we're gonna need some time to heal a bit before I want to open up any wounds and talk about it.

Love you and thanks for your love and support.

Run because you can...

Okay...well now that I can blog from my phone, it should be easier to keep up!! :-)

The girls and I survived a weekend of dancing at a dance convention/competition. It was pretty fun! Katie did a solo and a couple other group dances, and took classes. Emma took classes and played with her friends. We all had fun!! Katie's solo won 2nd although when they handed back the score sheets, they discovered they had given her the wrong award and not only should she had won a platinum (they gave her a high gold), she had the highest score as well...ah well, such is life!! :-)

We're in the midst of a little kitchen remodeling. We got new stainless steel appliances, granite countertops yesterday, and the backsplash was supposed to be put up today...but it's now 3 in the afternoon, so I doubt they're coming. At least I hope they're not...we're having friends over to help us eat cake and ice cream for Ian's #2 b-day!! and he is sooooooo acting 2!! :-) As the previous pics of his naked booty show, he no longer wants to wear pants. This is going to get freaking hilarious around here!! ;-)

I'm down to an even lower, low weight that I haven't seen in like 15 years...since before I got pregnant. I also had a little hair make-over and went blonde as well. A new woman... ;-)

Girls just walked in and I've got so much to get done!!

Run on...

He refuses to wear pants...or a diaper...I need a drink...

Pants with no baby in them...that can't be good...

Testing mobile blogging...

Time is really whizzing by now!! February...yikes. :-) We're in the midst of dance convention/competitions, soccer season, and soccer tournaments!! Katie actually had a tournament this weekend (didn't win...but they were good!!) and has another tournament this weekend and then Valentine's weekend the girls and I are staying downtown for a dance convention/competition. Busy, busy, busy. (haven't exactly told Jim yet that the girls and I are staying in a hotel downtown...I guess I should do that.) Ben is readying for his solo and ensemble competitions coming up at the end of February as well. Ian is still punky as ever!! :-) His new favorite place is a near empty cupboard in the kitchen. He put a blanket and pillow in there and just sits or lays in there...very cute!! Ben taught him Marco/Polo so now if I can't find him, I yell "Marco!", and he yells back, "Podo" (can't say his 'L's) ;-) He sees the urologist again in April for a check up but he's doing great since his surgery!

Jim still makes me crazy, but I think he kinda likes it actually. :-) He's still losing weight and actually lowered his cholesterol from over 320 down to 199.

I'm running again and hitting the workouts pretty hard. And I really love the way I feel. Who knew that "exercising and eating right" actually worked!??!!








After a 4.5 mile run of hills...hard!! ;-)